Football Movie Marathon #16: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

The last movie of the year is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994).

The story is fairly simple. Leading up to the Superbowl, Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino and team mascot, the field goal kicking dolphin "Snowflake" are kidnapped. While the police search for the superstar, Ace Ventura (played by Jim Carrey in a breakout role) is hired to find the dolphin. Ventura is an interesting character indeed. For the majority of the film he straddles the fine line between appearing mentally challenged and the most brilliant detective in the world. Along for the ride are Courtney Cox (Friends) as the love interest and Sean Young (Blade Runner) as the boss of the police department who just doesn't seem to sit quite right.

Watching this as a young lad, the hilarious portions of the film were mainly the slapstick and flat out craziness. Now there are couple more things that made me laugh, most notably when Ace recognizes that the Miami Dolphins team photo he has based his investigation on is not the most current when he notices one different player on a poster on the other side of a room. "Who...in THE HELL is.....this???" Also interesting is the fact that after realizing he kissed a man, he needs to eat a whole tube of toothpaste, go to town on his face with a toilet plunger, repeatadly drown his head in a toilet, burn his clothes, and take a shower while crying. Doubt that would fly in a movie 15 years later.

Overall the movie is a stupid yet fun filled romp that I find throughly enjoyable.

That's the movie marathon for this year. If I do it again next year we got several favorites including Jerry Maguire, Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, and of course, Air Bud: Golden Retreiver to go. Hope the two of you reading this had a good time and maybe watched a movie or two for the first time because of it.


Football Movie Marathon Rankings
1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Rudy (1993)
4) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
5) Varsity Blues (1999)
6) The Longest Yard (1974)
7) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
8) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
9) Horse Feathers (1932)
10) Gridiron Gang (2006)
11) The Waterboy (1998)
12) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
13) Invincible (2006)
14) Little Giants (1994)
15) The Longest Yard (2005)
16) Two For the Money (2005)

And here we go...

Week 17 lady and gentlemen, and by some miracle of scheduling all six teams vying for three playoff spots will be tangled up with one another on the road to the championship.  Big wins in Week 16 for the LFP Phreaks and Hail to the Chefs keep it all interesting and down to the wire like any good playoff race should be.  Here's a quick breakdown of what needs to happen in each division for each team to make the playoffs, starting with the folks out West:

Breaston My Face:
Clinched Division Title

Lynnhood Curbstompers:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win and Fister? I hardly know her. loss.

LFP Phreaks:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win.

Fister? I hardly know her.:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win and LFP Phreaks loss.

Show Me Your TD's:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

The East Division breaks down with slightly more complications as follows:

My Team Blows Again:
Clinches East Division Title with win.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with loss and Angry Asians loss.

Hail to the Chefs:
Clinches East Division Title with win and My Team Blows Again loss.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with win and My Team Blows Again win.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with loss and My Team Blows Again loss.

Angry Asians:
Clinches East Division Title with win and My Team Blows Again loss.

Party Animals:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

I Stiff Armed Your Mom:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

Long story short, it's a win-and-in situation for four teams, while a couple of squads need help from each other to make it, but all this spells is late season dramatics and excitement before the fourth season of LFPFFB enters the playoff spectacular that can only be settled on the biggest stage.  Let the madness commence as we move toward the kickoff of Week 17!

Football Movie Marathon #15: Rudy (1993)

Our second to last movie of the season is one of my favorites thusfar, 1993's Rudy, which could make a strong case as the best underdog sports movie (although Hoosiers and Rocky would probably beat it out).

Sean Astin (The Goonies, The Lord of the Rings) plays Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger, a high school graduate in a steel town, expected to be a steel worker like every guy he knows. This is everyone's expectation except his own however; his goal is to play football at Notre Dame, a school that used to have a good football team in the era this movie is set. Rudy played high school ball, but was considered too small to be a collegiate player. Also problematic is his grades, which fall below the Notre Dame standards.

Rudy spends some time in the community college near Notre Dame to get the grades he needs. He also works with the groundscrew at the football field to be around the program. At one point while cleaning, he reads the famous speech from Knute Rockne: All American (1940) (reviewed earlier in marathon) off of a plaque in the locker room. Eventually his grades improve, and he gets into Notre Dame. He follows this accomplishment with an even bigger one, walking onto the practice squad by giving an effort that greatly impresses the coaches. From here we follow his quest to get onto the field for the rest of the movie.

The reason Rudy lives on as a sports movie classic is the gigantic emotional payoff at the end. I'm hard pressed to think of a sports movie with a better ending. It is probably one of the few movies that guys are allowed to cry during. There is more to it than just the ending of course. Despite giving us very little sports action from start to finish, the movie is never boring or meandering. Characters all seem well fleshed out....whereas in too many sports movies the writers seem content to give each character a gimmick and let them run with it. The only part of the story I didn't really like was the somewhat "bad guy" potarit they painted of Dan Devine. In the movie, Rudy doesn't make it onto the final games roster until the rest of the team appeals. In real life, it was actually Devine who rewarded Rudy for his hard work by sticking him in the game. I know its just a movie and all, but it seems cruel that they made one of his biggest supporters into one of his biggest opposers. The 5 or 10 minutes between Rudy finding out he didn't make the last game up until the decision is turned around is the worst part of the movie...just one hurdle too many for the lead character that throws off the balance a bit. Minor complaint though.

Merry Christmas

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Rudy (1993)
4) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
5) Varsity Blues (1999)
6) The Longest Yard (1974)
7) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
8) Horse Feathers (1932)
9) Gridiron Gang (2006)
10) The Waterboy (1998)
11) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
12) Little Giants (1994)
13) Invincible (2006)
14) The Longest Yard (2005)
15) Two For the Money (2005)

Monday Night Football Tonight Presents High Stakes

Tonight during MNF football all eyes will be on the matchup between Tony's Hail to the Chefs, who need just 5.1 points to overcome Mike's Phreaks. The man who is up to bat for Tony is Steve Smith of the New York Giants, an LFPFFB All Pro this season. If Tony loses it could be rather diastourous to his playoff hopes. Because he is behind other playoff contenders in the tiebreaker categories, he basically needs to win from here on out to avoid missing out on the playoffs in what has so far been a promising rookie season. Both Jason's sharpened their playoff chances with wins, and should be rooting strongly for Mike to keep a contender off of their backs. Mike has a serious oppurtunity to make some headway in his own wild card push at the same time. With JJ's Curbstompers losing by a record 122 points, he has a good chance at tying things up in the wins column. Mike probably* needs to beat JJ out in wins, since he is down 0-2 in the head-to-head rankings. They could very well be playing for the playoff spot in week 17.

The other crucial matchup in limbo tonight is between Kyle's Fisters and Gas's Show Me Your TD's. Kyle has 4 players on deck tonight to make up his 16 point deficet, but Gas is playing Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Kevin Boss to counter (these guys love the NY Giants I guess). If Kyle wins, he will catch JJ in the divisional standings...which would be huge given that he has the tiebreaker 2-1. Gas needs this win as well. He holds the tiebreaker over Mike, but is split 1-1 with both Kyle and JJ and has some ground to make up in the win column.

The other matchups all appear to already be decided, but all owners should be watching tonight. Massive playoff implications! playoffs!? you wanna talk about playoffs!? playoffs!?




*I think Mike could tie JJ in wins and still get the playoff spot in a 3-way tie. I think.

Football Movie Marathon #14: Little Giants (1994)

Unlike all the other movies I've gone over thusfar, I haven't seen Little Giants in a long ass time. Something that probably won't be remedied anytime soon either. Anyways, this week the review is kind of mailed in....I'm tired and busy.

Anyways, Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids) plays Danny O'Shea, the brother of a former Heisman trophy winner, Ed O'Neil (Married With Children). When Danny's daughter, among other kids, are cut from Pee Wee football by his brother, he decides to form his own team. Following the formula of, say, The Mighty Ducks, Danny's team is filled with girls, nerds, fat kids...you get the picture.

All kinds of wacky things ensue throughout the movie as is expected. The fat kid loves food so much that at one point he is storing a sandwich in his helmet. One kid accidently superglues his hands together. Danny's daughter, nicknamed "the Icebox" catapults one of the Cowboys (the rival team) into a muddy pond. My personal favorite is when Danny finds his quarterback by recruiting a kid who is throwing paper towel roles into his mother's shopping cart at the grocery store.

Anyways, I haven't been among the target audience for this movie in a dozen years or so. That said, it does hold a special place in my heart because I saw it for the first and only time at a slumber party when I was 12, where we stole a lot of my friend's dad's beer and tried to drink it. A lot of fun.

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Horse Feathers (1932)
8) Gridiron Gang (2006)
9) The Waterboy (1998)
10) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
11) Little Giants (1994)
12) Invincible (2006)
13) The Longest Yard (2005)
14) Two For the Money (2005)

Week 14: Game on!

Here we go with Week 14, no game goes without importance here and the heavy hitting utility players are out in force!  With a three-way tie for the wild card in the West and a four-way tie at the top of the East, every game matters this week and no opponent can be taken lightly.  Get ready for some serious performances across the league in Week 14 of LFP Fantasy Football's fourth season playoff push!

Football Movie Marathon #13: Horse Feathers (1932)

Let's go back in time 75+ years for the next movie.



The Marx Brothers came into the picture right when silent movies were going away and "talkies" were becoming popular. Many of their early movies are all time classics. In the American Film Institute Top 100 Comedies list, the Marx Brothers account for five of the movies, including this weeks entry, Horse Feathers.



Groucho Marx (perhaps the most recognizeable to modern audiences) plays Professor Wagstaff, who's son Frank (played by Zeppo Marx) is the captain of the football team. They haven't beaten their rival in years, so the Professor decides to hire some ringers. Unfortunately, highjinx ensue and he ends up with two bumblers he meets at a speakeasy (played by Harpo and Chico). Several antics lead up to the big football game, which finishes up the movie in an interesting and climatic way.



Overall however, with the Marx Brothers, the plot is secondary to cramming in as many jokes as humanly possible into the movies runtime. Watching several of their movies, you realize that the brothers are creating so much freaking anarchy that you have no real idea of what is going on. It is very, very silly from start to finish...squeezing in more jokes than a Family Guy episode (which doesn't even require plot).



The movie runs 68 minutes long and currently can be found on YouTube. Personally, I think its a hell of a lot of fun, but the Marx Brothers are definately a lot different that what anyone would expect from a comedy in this day and age. Characters verbally lob softballs at Groucho just so he can turn their phrases against them. There are extended music scenes which feel incredibly dated. Overall, this slides in somewhere in the middle of the marathon movies for me.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:
1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Horse Feathers (1932)
8) Gridiron Gang (2006)
9) The Waterboy (1998)
10) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
11) Invincible (2006)
12) The Longest Yard (2005)
13) Two For the Money (2005)

Week 13, let's get serious.

Here we go, huge division match-ups all over the league as the playoff picture tries to get a little clearer.  Free Agency is updated and rosters are available on the scoreboard, good luck to everyone but the West!

Football Movie Marathon #12: Gridiron Gang (2006)

Sticking to the prisoners playing football theme from the last week, the next movie I'm going to look at is 2006's Gridiron Gang.

The story is one that is interesting enough. Sean Porter (played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) works at a juvinile detention center filled with young members of opposing gangs. With everyone killing each other on the streets, the violence is also an issue with the inmates. To give the kids a chance, Porter attempts to unify them by making a football team to play against the local high schools.

Overall, the movie plays out like a very poor man's verision of The Wire mixed with Friday Night Lights. The football games are fun to watch, the gang war scenes come off as just a bit too heavy handed. The movie seems to flutter between how "real" and how "cliche sports movie" it wants to be, and the uneven tone hurts it. The recently reviewed Any Given Sunday is pretty over the top all the way through, and it works to its credit.

The best thing the film has going for it is the lead performance by the Rock. If I can digress for a minute, somewhere in the early to mid 90s, we decided that the Arnold and Stallone types were BAD actors, which I find kind of stupid. There has been a certain something lost in movies since then, and our action stars seem to be more in the Matt Damon/Keanu Reeves/Christian Bale/Hugh Jackman mold (or even the Tobey Maguire mold!). While those guys have all made solid action movies, I genuinely miss the 80s tough guys. Is there any lead action movie stars anymore as bad ass as the leads in First Blood or Predator? In my opinion, no. Hence I really like the Rock, because I feel like he is the only newer guy on the block that can do that kind of thing. Gridiron Gang isn't necessarily the appropriate vehicle, but I like any decent performance by a tough guy. Long story short, just because some one would look ridiculous performing Hamlet doesn't mean he is a bad actor, and I want real action stars back.* Anyways, the Rock is good in this and I want him away from the family movies and back into the action movies.

A football movie starring the Rock and Xzibit didn't seem to be what the public wanted, because I don't think too many people have seen this. If I'm not mistaken, this movie also came out within a month or two of Invincible, which was marketed and packaged a whole lot better. Too bad, because I think Gridiron Gang is the better of the two. Not anything too special, but worth a viewing if you ever get the chance.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Gridiron Gang (2006)
8) The Waterboy (1998)
9) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
10) Invincible (2006)
11) The Longest Yard (2005)
12) Two For the Money (2005)

*Arnold, Stallone, and Kurt Russel are the best at this. Not a big Segal or JCVD fan however.

Running Backs to Sort Out Pro Bowl Picture in Afternoon Games

Oddly enough, the NFL decided to prominently feature our Pro Bowl Running Backs in their afternoon segment.

Four Games, each featuring either Maurice Jones-Drew, Chris Johnson, Ray Rice, or Adrian Peterson.

Tune in to see who breaks the Pro Bowl open for their respective conference.

Football Movie Marathon #10 & #11: The Longest Yard (1974 & 2005)

Since last week required a brief sabbatical from the movies for me, I'm doubling shit up this week. Appropriately, I'm going to go with one of the better football movies and its not-so-great remake, both entitled The Longest Yard.

Bill Simmons was once working on a project someone like this one, reviewing the top 74 sports movies of the last 40 years or something of the sort. He wasn't going in any order, just sporadically picking whichever film he felt like talking about. He abandoned the project perhaps a tenth of the way through, only having wrote a review for one top 10 movie. Said movie was The Longest Yard, which placed third. High praise, considering he was writing about all sports movies. With Rocky, Raging Bull, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, Hoop Dreams, Hoosiers, Juwanna Man and more still out there, its hard to envision a movie that so few people these days have seen being so high. Well, it was. Number 3. The 2005 version, starring Adam Sandler in the role previously occupied by Burt Reynolds, was bashed in his column just as much as the 1974 movie was praised.

The story is pretty simple. Paul Crewe (Reynolds/Sandler) is a former MVP quarterback that has been exiled by pro football for throwing games. Early in the films his alcohol fueled behavior lands him in prison. The guards have a talented football team and the evil warden wants Crewe to put together a team of prisoners to give the guards a tune up for their season. When the team of inmates looks more promising than expected, Crewe is tempted to revert back to his game throwing ways to placate the warden and be rewarded accordingly. This creates a serious dilemma, as he has earned the trust and respect of his teammates.

1974's version of the story is a fairly slowly paced drama with some solid comedy sprinkled throughout. In the time the movie was made, Burt Reynolds was one of those actors that defined manliness...sort of America's answer to Sean Connery. This role suits him well. Also serving him well is that he was an accomplished football player in his day, before being held back by injuries. He is certainley one of the actor's in a sports movie that actually appears to know what the hell he is doing (a huge plus in my book...stuff like Wesley Snipes dribbling up to his armpits in White Men Can't Jump drives me crazy). I suppose that my biggest complaint is that there is about 85 minutes of a movie I really like in this thing, but there is about a half hour that needed to be left on the cutting room floor. Important scenes are frequent, but too often there are just spots that meander 5 minutes to long that don't advance the story or make me laugh much. The whole climatic football game is shot in the same manner that a game in the 70s would be. Simmons praises this trait, while I was just kind of bored by it. Ever watched a Super Bowl or anything from the 70s? You get impaitent. Now on a football telecast they'll jam in a replay of the down, a peek at the coach, a look at the quarterback, etc between every play. It's really just kind of...plain at times. Overall the movie is really solid because the story is so good and there isn't anyone that seems to be miscast. It is a ways out of first on my football movie list (and will only go down farther, I'm saving quite a few movies I like for later or next year), but I can recommend it for sure.

The 2005 version plays out as more of a straight comedy, and is the second best Adam Sandler football movie ever. They really jampacked this thing with cameos...Nelly, Michael Irvin, Goldberg, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kevin Nash, and a bunch of ESPN personalities (yes, for some reason ESPN is broadcasting a scrimmage of a prison football game....better than Around the Horn I suppose). Burt Reynolds himself even is there for a small role. The laughs really seem to come from these smaller roles more than the main characters. Sandler, Chris Rock, Tracey Morgan, etc just aren't that funny throughout in my mind. The movie also tweaks the story at the ending a little bit, and in my opinion, the change is a lot worse. So yeah, this one isn't very good, but certainley not a diaster like Little Nicky or something like that. Perhaps I would think a lot worse of it if I held the first one up to "sacred sports movie" status. I mean, it isn't like Adam Sandler is trying to be Rocky Balboa here...

So personally, while I think they aren't even close in terms of quality, I dont really think either is among the best or worst sports movies (I suppose the 2005 version is one of the worst football movies I've seen though). The old version is "just" good, the new version is pretty flat with some fun cameos and cheap laughs.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:
1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)

5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) The Waterboy (1998)
8) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)

9) Invincible (2006)
10) The Longest Yard (2005)
11) Two For the Money (2005)

First Annual LFP FFB Pro Bowl

Week 12 rolls in with the regular excitement of any other LFP FFB week, but packs the promise of turkey dinners and tons of Thursday football to boot.  Why not make this an even more special holiday week by enjoying our first ever LFP FFB Pro Bowl?!  The All-East and All-West rosters are posted on the Week 12 Scoreboard page, and I'm happy to see that all ten teams in the league have a representative!  As commissioner of the league, I've made the decision that this game will have no bearing on this season for anyone, but that is something we can discuss at the owner's meetings prior to the 2010 season of LFP FFB.  Instead, I propose the following three outcomes, up for vote until Thursday morning just prior to the first game of the week, so don't delay in responding!

Proposal 1:
Losing division is responsible for purchasing the draft board and stickers for the 2010 LFP FFB Draft, average cost between $25-35.

Proposal 2:
Each winning division member will be allowed to give a losing division member a whipped cream pie in the face at the 2010 LFP FFB Draft.  Highest point earner in winning division will pie highest point earner in losing division, and so on down to the lowest point earners.

Proposal 3:
Each losing division member will be assigned to a winning division member as their servant for food and drinks at the 2010 LFP FFB Draft.

Feel free to vote as soon as you can and if you have a better idea that has no bearing on this season, feel free to respond with it and try to garner votes!

-Commish

Week 11 Shaking the League Landscape

We've seen a lot of tight games this week heading into Monday Night Football, and we also watched J-Jak get blown up by my mom... Yep, she's at it again leading the league in scoring this week.

The Stiffies are poised to drop a heartbreaker to J.J.'s Curbstomping hoodlums thanks to matching zeros by free agent pickup John Carlson and supposed accuracy king Nick Folk, sucks to miss a field goal that costs the game, doesn't it?

Meanwhile back in the West we had a pair of matchups, one directly involving playoff positioning for the upcoming weeks between the LFP Phreaks and Kyle's Fisters.  Kyle got great performances from Detroit studs Kevin Smith and LFP Benedict Arnold, Megatron, combining for 43 points, but his poor QB play out of Cutler and Romo left the door open for nice showings by DeAngelo Williams, THE Steve Smith, Pierre Thomas, and utility man Carson Palmer to leave it at a 1.3 point game... Matt Schaub is lurking on Monday Night Football's main stage to try and steal this victory for the Phreaks, and give the squad some breathing room at third in the West.

In the other West Division showdown, first place runaway Breaston My Face is staring down the barrel of fellow mammary allusionist squad Show Me Your TD's gun heading into Monday night.  Jared holds a nice little 15.05 point lead while hiding Andre Johnson for this potentially rainy day, but Sean's TD's look to get big behind Chris Johnson and the Tennessee defense once again.  This one could get interesting...

Over in the East we had one heck of a barn-burner between the minority contingent in the league, as the Angriest Asians took out Tony Le's gaggle of Chefs by a narrow margin.  261.05 points between the two teams is an achievement, but Roethlisberger and Rodgers edged out Brady and Favre in this one by just 4.34, which makes you wonder why Favre wasn't crying once again this Sunday.

And of course this brings us to the laugher of the week...  Just under 40 points as a margin of difference between Vick's Party Animals and J-Jak's crew of Blowpops as Jason's team lived up to their label.  Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, and Ray Rice are typically unstoppable, but apparently Drew Brees, Hines Ward, Wes Welker, Heath Miller, and Visanthe Shiancoe took their blue collar tour of devestation to the division leaders in a big way.  Eat it J-Jak, and mom says to tell your parents hello... Ouch.

Enjoy MNF, should be fun to watch as always.

-Commish

No Movie this Week

Too busy...

Football Movie Marathon #9: Any Given Sunday (1999)

The next movie in our marathon is Any Given Sunday, by director Oliver Stone (Platoon, JFK, Wall Street). The film features an all star cast: Al Pacino as the old school coach, Cameron Diaz as the recently installed team owner, Dennis Quaid as the grizzled-veteran quarterback, and Jaimee Foxx as the star backup quarterback. After these principal figures the supporting cast is absolutely stacked as well, featuring James Woods, Matthew Modine, Aaron Eckhart, Charlton Heston, Elisabeth Berkley*, John C McGinely, Bill Bellamy, Lauren Holly and LL Cool J. Then after THAT you get a whos who of football players: Jim Brown, Dick Butkus, the real LT, TO, Ricky Watters, Johnny Unitas, and Warren Moon. Good Lord. I probably know the names of more people in this freaking movie than any other I've ever seen.

So with all these actors and fun older players floating around what is the actual result? In my opinion, its somewhere between the most flawed masterpiece film has ever seen and a big guilty pleasure. Watching this movie is such a befuddling experience that it is difficult to put into words.

So to begin, the bad and ugly stuff. The gameplay scenes in the movie leave a whole lot to be desired. First off, the editing resembles a music video or something, leaving you no real orientation as to what is ever going on in the game. This was really offputting to me for the most part. You know how in some of the fights in The Bourne Ultimatium it seems like they just put a camera on Matt Damon's belt buckle or something and had him kick ass? It is a lot like that, only handled with a lot less skill and care. The camera is always shaking all over the place as if the person is trying to shoot the scene while running on a treadmill or something. Second, the lack of an NFL license is incredibly annoying. The uniforms and appearance of the game in general are ridiculous. Its also kind of off putting how they seem to transplant NFL history into their own leauge: "You'll NEVAHHH be Joe Montana!". I suppose that if asked to defend the style of the movie Stone would likely say that since the drama in the movie is so heightened above what is more or less reality, the action and the appearance should be too. I guess that I can buy that. One of the problems with that Playmakers show ESPN did a few years back was that they couldn't balance the overall craziness against a realistic backdrop ("I'm the best player on this team; I'm also gay")**. Any Given Sunday balances itself well, even if said balancing act gets tiresome and seems like it has had too much caffiene occasionally.

There are several really great dramatic scenes in the movie though that are really where it takes off. Pacino watching TV sadly as he is skewered by a Jim Rome type TV show host. Foxx's personal life falling off the tracks while his public persona soars (highlighted by a hilarious music video "My Name is Willie". Quaid's horribly tense scenes where he mulls retirement while his wife presses him toward staying in the game (wonder what goes on in the Favre and Warner households?). The subplot with LT's character is really interesting too. Essentially, he is playing and get an insentive based million dollar bonus and risking his life to do so, while team doctors argue over the ethics of letting him continue. The movie really breathes through these characters, and is only really slowed down for Diaz and LL, who are significantly less interesting in my opinion. The centerpiece of the movie is a giant Pacino speech before the big game, perhaps my favorite moment of his as an actor that isn't from a 70s movie.

I remember somewhat disliking this movie when I caught it in the theatres 10 years ago. Perhaps it was the fact I was with my parents and it was much more inappropriate then advertised (nudity from both genders...). Honestly, the awkwardness of seeing something you probably shouldn't be seeing with a parental figure can really hurt your opinion of a movie (Why are you doing this to me!?), and this was the second worst of these occasions in my life***. There was also a bit more purity to sports then, at least in my mind. Maybe I just wasn't ready to see a behind the scenes depiction in such an embellished and blunt fashion. I don't know. Watching the movie recently however, I really gained a new appreciation for the whole thing. I'm putting the movie at number 1 for now. Hopefully the 3 of you that read this aren't going to flip out over that.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)

2) Brian's Song (1971)

3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)

4) Varsity Blues (1999)

5) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)

6) The Waterboy (1998) up a few spots by popular demand and a rewatch

7) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)

8) Invincible (2006)

9) Two For the Money (2005)

*For all the Showgirls fans out there

** For a terrific reinactment of this scene in any scenario, whether it makes sense or not, talk to Kyle Stinson. btw, I love that the actor they have playing the all-pro wide reciever is a white guy that looks about 5'-4"

***The first was seeing He Got Game (1997) with a friend and his mother.

8 & Out

We're going streaking!  Actually, we're not anymore, J.J. rained anger and furious vengeance on Jared's squad on Sunday to end the record-tying win streak at eight games.  Meanwhile, Vick's trying to mount an interesting comeback on Wong, where Wong's QB utility man will have to lead the comeback...  Interesting week to say the least, stay tuned for the thrilling Monday night conclusion!

Week 9 GO!

Rosters are up, here we go!

Some Semblance of Order

One real life sports element that has never transferred to the fantasy world (at least to my knowledge) is All Star Games. Given how bad the all-star games are in some sports, namely the Pro Bowl in football, one might say this is a good thing. Despite this, I was just kicking around an idea that might be fun to try out.

What if, on week 11 or 12 of the season, when all the players have had their bye weeks, we had a seperate little side matchup in addition to the regular games for the week. The extra matchup would be between the East and West divisons, featuring the best players in leauge. Basically we would go to the leauge leaders pages and take the best QB, two RBs, three WRs, TE, K, and DEF from each division and match them up with those of the other division. Of course, they would still be allowed to play in their regular matchup as well (for example, Drew Brees score for the week would count for both the Party Animals and the East Division All Stars).

The team that wins the ASG would get a small reward. For example, each owner in the winning division would get $5 free agency money, or each winning player would bring $2 back to their owner, or something.

Just trying to think outside the box a little bit....

Football Movie Marathon #8: The Waterboy (1998)

Time to go in the exact opposite direction of the documentary movies and onto the Adam Sandler college football comedy, The Waterboy.

Sandler plays Bobby Boucher, the waterboy for a major college football program who is fired and has to go work for a much less prestigous school also in the nearby vicinity. Always picked on, Boucher takes a lot of crap from everybody, until he finally snaps and learns to channel all of his anger onto the football field. With encouragement from Coach Klien (the Fonz himself, Henry Winkler) and his love interest (Fairuza Balk, American History X), Boucher becomes one of the best defensive players in the nation and the sparkplug to pull his team of misfits from their losing ways.

Most of the comedy from the movie is derived from the ridiculous way Sandler plays the character, stammering constantly in a ridiculous voice. This is blended with a goofy supporting cast, including Rob Schneider playing the "You can DO IT!" guy in his first (and only necessary) appearence in Sandler comedies.

Overall its a pretty silly movie with some laughs, falling somewhere in the middle to low range of Sandler's movies. Some people seem to have the tendency to label Sandler a one trick pony, a critiscm that I don't think is all that fair. In Punch-Drunk Love and Happy Gilmore, I think Sandler gives two of the better comedic roles I have ever seen, and those movies are quite different from one another. It is in the roles like The Waterboy and Little Nicky where the whole funny voice gimmick starts to feel like an overly streched out SNL sketch and gets a little tedious.

It's probably unfair to group this with the likes of the movies I have written about so far, but its my list and I can do what I want to. I'll get some more comedies in here soon (including another Sandler film nonetheless) to make this one look a little more at home.

Football Movie Rankings
1) Brian's Song (1971)
2) Knute Rockne All American (1940)
3) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
6) Invincible (2006)

7) The Waterboy (1998)
8) Two For the Money (2005)

Week 8 Wrap-Up

Wow, what a week!  Why waste time talking, let's get into the results.

Breaston My Face 125.15 vs. I Stiff Armed Your Mom 96.7
Craig looked to stop Jared's team from tying his two-time record of eight consecutive wins in the 2006 season, but behind a huge day from MJD (34.3 points) it was in the stars for Breaston My Face.  Craig countered with strong days from Donovan McNabb (23.4 pts) and Matt Forte in his farewell effort with 24.1 points, but it was too little too late and this one wasn't close.

My Team Blows Again 111.05 vs. Angry Asian 106.75
Peyton (17.35 pts), Purple Jesus (20.1 pts), Ray Rice(16.8), and V-Jax (16.3 pts) all had big-time days in a big time game where J-Jak just edged defending East Division champ Wong, extending the lead for the Blowers and Angering Asians even more.  Rodgers (30.55 pts) had a huge day to match S-Jax (22.6 pts) and LT (17.6 pts), but boy that New Orleans defense (12 pts) couldn't combine with Devery Henderson (4.9 pts) to do enough for Wong this time.  Close one at the wire, but with Henderson's TD chance getting picked off it just wasn't meant to be.

Hail to the Chefs 67.8 vs. Party Animals 95.6
Well Brett Favre went for 28.2 points, but that was it for the Chefs this week as Tony Le's squad lost the second straight match-up against the Party Animals.  Brees continued to roll with 21.7 points this week and led the charge for Vick's team who suddenly owns the wild card spot in the East just ahead of the aforementioned Chefs.

Fister?  I hardly know her. 75.7 vs. Lynnhood Curbstompers 99.3
In another big division match-up, J.J.'s Curbstompers said goodbye to Sidney Rice after his four point effort, and hello to Michael Turner's 21.1 and Reggie Wayne's 20.7 points.  That would prove to be the nail in the coffin for Fister this week as Kyle's squad couldn't muster much to support Romo's 24.8 point effort.

LFP Phreaks 108 vs. Show Me Your TD's 110.95
What a heartbreaker for the Phreaks this week and a HUGE win for Sean's TD's.  Chris Johnson threw down 40.9 points on Sunday, making a Monday night comeback look unlikely, but with Pierre Thomas posting two touchdowns in a 21 point effort, the Phreaks were in it until the wire, and if Thomas wasn't pulled for Reggie Bush on the goal line or Darren Sharper held on to a missed interception of Matt Ryan (16.35 pts) things would be the other way around.  Either way, this division just got a lot tighter!

On to next week!  Good luck.

-Commish

Week 9: A Look Ahead

Week 9 Matchups:
  My Team Blows Again @ LFP Phreaks
  Angry Asians @ Party Animals
  Fister?  I hardly know her. @ Show Me Your TD's
  Hail to the Chefs @ I Stiff Armed Your Mom
  Lynnhood Curbstompers @ Breaston My Face

Monday, November 2nd:
  Monday Night Football - Pittsburgh Steelers @ Denver Broncos, 5:30pm PT

Tuesday, November 3rd:
  Free Agency Opens on Forum - 12:00pm PT
  Blog - Week 8 Wrap-Up by Mike


Wednesday, November 4th:
  Blog - Week 9 Breakdown by Mike

Thursday, November 5th:
  Blog - Football Movie Marathon by Jared

Friday, November 6th:
  Blog - Team Owner Profile: Sean Gaskill/Nick Perrault by Mike

Saturday, November 7th:
  Free Agency Closes on Forum - 5:00pm PT
  Blog - Some semblance of order... by Mike

Sunday, November 8th:
  Roster Submissions Due - 9:30am PT

Favre does it again...

How soon will we see Brett Favre crying at his post-game press conference about such an emotional win?  Tick tock tick tock...

Scores Updated

Scores are updated on the homepage and the Week 8 Scoreboard to reflect all the action from the morning games.  Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!

Guess who shows up?!

...on the bench!  T.O.'s official tweet from the sidelines:  "How can you not start me?! [sob sob]"

Fast start!

...on the bench!  Boy does it hurt to watch that 64-yard TD knowing you decided it would be a tough match-up.  Just the first second-guessing moment of the day!

Week 8 Hits NOW!

Website, rosters, scoreboard, and all your dreams are updated!  An extra hour to sleep off your Halloween hangover (mom...) and here comes football!  Good luck to everyone!

Team Owner Profile: Jason Wong

 Here at the LFP offices we try to get our interview subjects when they're having their worst struggles or they're on a high, just so we can say we turned it around if they should win or lose really.  Who better to profile under such circumstances than Jason Wong, our second straight member of the AZN Invasion of LFP Fantasy.  Mr. Wong is going into the eighth week of the season as a third year member of the league trying to defend two straight division titles, which is unheard of in our league.  A renowned trash-talker, an infamous chest kicker, and a man I'm proud to call my friend, he wandered through the doors here in LFP with a sinister look on his face so we sat him down for an interview to talk about his five-loss season so far...

LFP FFB:  Hey Jason, thanks for stopping in to talk to us.

Jason Wong:  I'm going to kill you.

LFP:  Haha I know...

JW:  ...

LFP:  That is a horrifying look on your face.  Can you tell me, is it really easy or really hard to have as bad a start as you have had?

JW:  Fuck you.

LFP:  So it's pretty easy then?

JW:  Yeah!  Really easy, all I have to do is play my fucking worthless roster and they have been able to lose every fucking game except the new guy, because I'm more Asian, and Jakubiak because he's a bitch.

LFP:  So you beat Tony because you're more Asian and J-Jak because you're a bigger bitch?  That's an interesting strategy to take in fantasy football that I've never heard of.  What are you going to do to win the rest of your games under that thought process?

JW:  First I'm going to reach in your chest and pull your heart out and shove it down your throat.

LFP:  Haha... ha... Jokes are fun.  Does J-Jak every remind you of that dude "Baby GAP" who you kicked through the doorway?

JW:  Yes.

LFP:  So would you plan on "BOOM"ing him this week when you play him for the second time?

JW:  Yes.  Fuck you.

LFP:  I mean seriously, L.T. with the 12th overall pick?  Talk about your all-time backfires...

JW:  Fuck you, I'm leaving, and then I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

LFP:  Great talking to you too...

Knowing the amount of anger that's packed inside that little guy I would not want to be J-Jak this week, just because Wong is likely to actually try and kill someone if he loses again.  Either way there's a lot of East Division status at stake in that game so stay tuned as we roll towards Week 8's games!

-Commish

Football Movie Marathon #7: Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)

While many leauges have tried to capitalize on America's love for football, arguably none of them have drawn as much interest as the USFL, a spring leauge for professional football in the 80s.

Michael Tollin helms this film in the ESPN 30 for 30 series, and of the 3 I have seen thus far, it is certainly the best. The documentary tells the story of the 3 year run of a leauge that was seemingly miles ahead of say, the XFL or Arena Football. For it's brief history, the USFL was home to coaches like Jim Mora and Steve Spurrier, and also to players such as Jim Kelly, Steve Young, Herschel Walker, Rick Neuheisel, and Doug Flutie. So why did it fail?



The movie delves into the attempt by the USFL to compete with the NFL, a push spearheaded by the owner of the New Jersey franchise, Donald Trump. Throughout the film, there are intercut snippets from an interview between Trump and Tollin. Trump's statement are then opposed by heartfelt interviews with former players, and this is where the movie really draws my interest. The USFL had such a great thing going, but the desire to play at the same time of year as the NFL was its undoing. Some of the players and personalities look back with bitterness, but they ALL look back with fondness.

Tollin displays a great potarit of what was essientally "The Little Spring Leauge that Could". The documentary somehow made me feel nostalgic for a brand of football that I have never seen. Anyways, this thing is all over the Internet...Youtube, iTunes, etc. It also shows on TV fairly frequently. If you get the chance to see it, I give a hearty recommendation.

Next week I'll get away from documentaries for awhile. Get something a little bit more well known out there.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings

1. Brian's Song (1971)
   
2. Knute Rockne All American (1940)


3. Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)


4. Varsity Blues (1999)


5. The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)


6. Invincible (2006)


7. Two For the Money (2005)

Week 8 Breakdown

X's & O's: A Team-by-Team Breakdown

Breaston My Face (7-0)
MJD is back at the RB1 position, and after a week off remains the second leading scorer for running backs in LFP Fantasy.  With the cheap addition of Ricky Williams at the RB2 slot, it looks like Jared's squad has become that much better after an undefeated start, a scary prospect to be certain.  Strategically speaking, this should be business as usual in Week 8, with no key players out on bye weeks and decent match-ups across the board there shouldn't be any need for a QRW Utility usage (QB, RB, or WR in the Utility slot), and I'd bank on seeing two defenses pending free agent moves.  Jared is going for the league record of 8 consecutive wins, currently held by Craig's 2006 squad who did it twice that season.

My Team Blows Again (5-2)
Coming off of a week where he had to deal with a ton of bye weeks, Jason now has to deal with another four of them.  After burning a QRW Utility usage in Week 7 look for some movement on the TE/K/DEF department in Free Agency this week, as he fills holes at TE and Utility caused by the aforementioned bye week issue.  The Peyton/ADP duo is a no-brainer, but it's a tossup at the RB2 position.  Baltimore and Nate Burleson should return to action in Week 8, and there won't be too much mystery as to what we'll see from this squad lineup-wise.  J-Jak is looking to distance himself from the pack this week in the East.

LFP Phreaks (4-3)
Two glaring aspects for this team in Week 8:  RB2 and WR1.  Pierre Thomas has been very inconsistent behind DeAngelo Williams, so this may need to be addressed in the form of adding another running back to a short stable.  Beyond that, the best WR on the team Randy Moss is sitting down for his bye week and leaves a big gap with the inconsistent play at the position for this team.  It will be interesting to see if Terrell Owens will be trusted to fill in or if more help will be required.  Kevin Curtis remains injured and on the active roster, likely running out of time as a fantasy player, so there is certainly space to be filled.  Starters look fairly clear for the week, with a two-TE situation looking likely at the Utility slot since Gostkowski sits with Moss.  Harris needs to come back strong after another division loss in Week 7, barely hanging on to the West Division Wild Card at the moment.

Fister?  I hardly know her. (4-3)
Kyle's team has no bye week issues as he faces a division opponent, allowing him complete freedom to play the match-ups in front of him.  The biggest question mark for Week 8 will be whether or not Megatron is ready to go against a pathetic St. Louis team, and that would be a shame for the #7 overall pick to miss this one.  Kyle's riding a nice win back into a tie for second place in the West.

Hail to the Chefs (4-3)
Tony is hurting a little on account of byes heading into Week 8.  Tom Brady, Dwayne Bowe, Jeff Reed, and Pittsburgh all sit down in a crucial divisional game against the team right behind him in the standings.  Favre should get his first start appropriately against the Packers back at Lambeau for the first time, and the RB situation is wide open for the four healthy backs on his roster.  Donald Brown's injury  in Indy shouldn't play much of a role in this week's decision-making, but he might use that to fill a potential hole in his receiving corps this week with Pierre Garcon's production diminishing.  Look for a kicker search in Free Agency, and don't be surprised to see a QRW Utility usage of a third running back in an important game.  Tony comes off of a loss which took him out of first in the East Division.

Party Animals (3-4)
The WR situation will be the one to watch for Vicki's team this week, as she loses both Wes Welker and Hines Ward to their bye weeks, not to mention Cedric Benson at RB and Heath Miller at TE.  Drew Brees is the no-brainer key for this offense the rest of the season, and the RB situation seems fairly obvious with Westbrook's concussion lingering after Monday Night Football.  With Carlson at TE and Crosby at K, the team looks pretty well intact despite the bye weeks, and free agency should be focused on potentially filling the WR slot if there are any bargain players to be had (ala Miles Austin in Week 7).  Vick is looking to ride a two-game winning streak and huge point outputs back into the wild card lead if she can win in Week 8.

I Stiff Armed Your Mom (2-5)
Craig is hoping that things will start coming together, and counts heavily on Frank Gore flourishing in the second half thanks to a potentially renewed passing game.  As Santonio Holmes heads out on his bye week, T.J. Houshmandzadeh looks to return to the lineup against Dallas, clearing up any issues at WR.  RB is where it may get interesting based on match-ups though.  Matt Forte has a good match-up with Cleveland and could see the RB2 spot behind Thomas Jones because of Mendenhall's bye week and San Francisco's trip to Indy.  Cooley's bye week/injury leaves a hole at the TE spot, but Free Agency should clear up the situation, if not a trade with a TE heavy team.  Craig comes off a big walloping at the hands of the Party Animals, and looks to knock off Jared's squad before he can tie the old 2006 record for consecutive wins set by none other than Craig himself, and a big win it would be for the Stiffies.

Lynnhood Curbstompers (2-5)
J.J. has a couple of big play-makers on the bench with bye weeks in Clinton Portis and Santana Moss,  but the only glaring hole will be that RB2 spot vacated by Portis.  Felix Jones hasn't produced much since returning from injury, so it will be interesting to see what route is taken for the week in trying to fill the spot.  Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin provide enough depth at the WR3 position, but Free Agency will undoubtedly be used to fill the DEF spot that Tampa Bay proved incapable of filling before their bye week.  I would expect to see both Hasselbeck and Warner in the lineup using a QRW Utility usage to try and win an important divisional match-up with Kyle and stop the three game skid.

Show Me Your TD's (2-5)
Gas comes off a nice division win against J.J. and has no bye week issues to deal with.  I wouldn't anticipate seeing a QRW Utility usage with only three remaining for the season, but his style hasn't necessarily been conventional, or informed, to this point.  Depth is good at just about every position, so it will be interesting to see if Chris Johnson comes back in at RB, as well as to see what combination of WR's make-up the starting line-up in Week 8.  Good week to look forward to as Gas need only play the match-ups and watch his team put points up.  The TD's are looking to break 100 for the second time this season in an important division game to get back into the mix in the West.

Angry Asians (2-5)
Statistically the worst team in the league, Wong plays an important game against the first place team in the East, but has only Roethlisberger on a bye in Week 8.  The biggest spot to address will be the RB2 position behind S-Jax who has a great match-up against Detroit.  Tomlinson and McGahee have not taken the reigns on a starting spot, but my guess would be to see what McGahee can do after LT's inability to get in the end zone was highlighted last week.  There is enough depth at WR to find a starting three that will compliment Rodgers against Minnesota, and I'd venture a guess that we will see Wong's first QRW Utility usage here in Week 8.  Wong hasn't won since Week 4 against this very same J-Jak team, and looks to re-enter the race in the East with a win.


Week 8 Betting Lines
801 Breaston My Face -25.1
802 I Stiff Armed Your Mom +25.1


803 My Team Blows Again -27.01

804 Angry Asians +27.01



805 Hail to the Chefs +6.51

806 Party Animals -6.51



807 Fister?  I hardly know her. -6.4

808 Lynnhood Curbstompers +6.4



809 LFP Phreaks -16.28

810 Show Me Your TD's +16.28

Good luck to everyone in Week 9!

-Commish

Week 7 Wrap-Up

Umm, anybody laughing at the the only woman in the league this week or last week?  No, I don't mean Kyle, I mean my mom Vicki.  Yeah, my mom, she's put up a two week total of 312.25 points, which if I'm not mistaken is a league record for points over the course of two weeks.  Holy balls.  On to the week in review...

Fister?  I hardly know her. 91.45 vs. Angry Asians 87
I may have misspoken last week about which team was hapless in this league, as Wong's two-time defending East Division champion Angry Asians fall once again, this time to Kyle's friendly Fisters.  Steve Slaton paced Kyle's squad with 19.9 points on an otherwise unspectacular day by both sides.  The only competition put up by the Asians was Aaron Rodgers' 26.6 and Stephen Jackson's 13.3 points on a huge rushing day, but with nobody else but the New Orleans defense (17 pts) breaking double-digits you can't expect too much and that's just what they got.

Hail to the Chefs 119.7 vs. My Team Blows Again 124.75
In a great game with first place in the East Division at stake, J-Jak blew Tony away by just 5.05 points.  Arguably the most deadly duo in the league, Peyton Manning (23.65) and Adrian Peterson (18.9) got big contributions from Vincent Jackson (20.2) and Chad Ochocinco (23.8) at the wide receiver spot to out-duel Tony a spirited battle.  Tom Brady (25.9) couldn't gun-sling his way past his sworn rival, despite big help from Ryan Grant with 21.1 points and a huge defensive effort by Pittsburgh and Green Bay combining for 32 points.  Great game with big division standing implications heading in to week 8!

I Stiff Armed Your Mom 72.6 vs. Party Animals 154.3
Well Craig, it looks like my mom stiff armed you...  I take it back from earlier in this post too, the Stiffies just looked hapless again!  Vick posted another huge number, outscoring everyone else on the week behind four players that scored 26.6 points or more, including a NY Jets defense that threw down the gauntlet with 27.  Miles Austin rewarded the big $4 price-tag with a fat 28.1 points, not too shabby.  Craig countered with Thomas Jones who impressed for the second straight week, posting 17.4 points, but things need to improve in the Stiff Arm camp if they are going to right this ship and get back in to contention.

Lynnhood Curbstompers 72.55 vs. Show Me Your TD's 99.5
In a battle at the bottom of the West Division, J.J.'s gangsters enthusiasm was curbed for sure as Gas put together a winning effort thanks to an explosion by Vernon Davis (27.3) at the TE position.  Combined with four others in double-digits, Gaskill's crew fought hard for their second win of the season and crept out of last place, active defensive unit or no!  Lynnhood seemed severely underrepresented as Kurt Warner and Reggie Wayne were the only two who showed up to play, scoring 14.25 and 14.3 respectively.  Both teams will battle to right the ship and get right back in to the wild card mix while it's still within reach.

LFP Phreaks 100.1 vs. Breaston My Face 147.35
For the second straight week it's been Breaston My Face dominating the division competition, extending a near-record winning streak to seven games!  Philip Rivers and Ricky Williams each put up 27.2 points to start the fire on Sunday, and then DeSean Jackson extinguished any hope for an LFP Phreaks team that looked completely outgunned in Week 7.  Despite a 100+ point performance for the Phreaks, highlighted by Matt Schaub, DeAngelo Williams, and Donald Driver combining for 56.4 points (over 50% of the team total), it was never a terribly close match-up.

Week 8 looks to hold a lot of interest for a lot of teams, so let's head forward as we close the book on Week 7.

-Commish

Week 8: A Look Ahead

Week 8 Matchups:
  Breaston My Face @ I Stiff Armed Your Mom
  My Team Blows Again @ Angry Asians
  Hail to the Chefs @ Party Animals
  Fister?  I hardly know her. @ Lynnhood Curbstompers
  LFP Phreaks @ Show Me Your TD's

Monday, October 26th:
  Monday Night Football - Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins, 5:30pm PT

Tuesday, October 27th:
  Free Agency Opens on Forum - 12:00pm PT
  Blog - Week 7 Wrap-Up by Mike


Wednesday, October 28th:
  Blog - Week 8 Breakdown by Kyle

Thursday, October 29th:
  Blog - Football Movie Marathon by Jared

Friday, October 30th:
  Blog - Team Owner Profile: Jason Wong by Mike

Saturday, October 31st:
  Free Agency Closes on Forum - 5:00pm PT
  Blog - Some semblance of order... by Mike

Sunday, November 1st:
  Roster Submissions Due - 9:30am PT

Week 7, ready, set... GO!

Rosters are up on the Week 7 Scoreboard, here we go!

Football Movie Marathon #6: The Band That Wouldn't Die

ESPN's currently running "30 for 30" series of documentaries should provide me with quite the amount of material for this little marathon project. The first football movie brought forward is The Band That Wouldn't Die, directed by Barry Levinson (Rain Man, Diner, The Natural).



Owner Robert Isray moved the Baltimore Colts to Indianapolis in the middle of the night in March of 1984. Absent from all of the equipment taken to the new city were the band insturments and uniforms. The Baltimore Colts band stayed together for years after the movement of their team, playing pretty much anywhere that would have them as a statement of desire to have the NFL back in their city. The movie chronicles the trials and tribulations of both the band and the football fans of Baltimore, including interviews with band members, politicans, and people in both the Colts and Ravens organization.

Ironically for me, this movie came out the same day as the documentary Sonicsgate, a detailed synopsis of the recent loss of the Sonics here in Seattle. Obviously, I am very biased in comparing the two, but for me, where Band falls short is in capturing the despair and the anger. Don't get me wrong, it is a great story, but it needs to be reinforced. Sonicsgate features in depth interviews with Brian Robinson (co-founder of Save Our Sonics) and Sherman Alexi (novelist and ex-season ticket holder) that are really the heartbeat and the voice of the fan in the movie. Perhaps because Baltimore now has a top notch franchise, it was more difficult to capture that aggrevation in the ESPN flick. Bring NBA back here and I know I will feel a hell of a lot better.



Despite my somewhat mixed reactions to The Band That Wouldn't Die, it is a very good story and a documentary that is worth watching. If you aren't following the "30 for 30" thing on ESPN, I think you should be.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings
1. Brian's Song
2. Knute Rockne All American
3. Varsity Blues
4. The Band That Wouldn't Die
5. Invincible
6. Two For the Money

Week 6 Wrap-Up

Week 6 came, went, and kicked the ass of every other week we've had in the history of the league!  Nine out of ten teams in the league broke 100 points like it was no effort at all, and eight players on starting rosters posted more than 30 points this week.  With that kind of production around the league it makes for an exciting Tuesday morning review.

Angry Asians 116.2 vs. LFP Phreaks 149.4
Scoring a shade over 116 points is usually a pretty good indicator that you had a winning week, but when Matt Schaub, DeAngelo Williams, and Randy Moss all decide to put together good games it is hard to keep up.  You know, if Stephen Jackson and Mike Sims-Walker weren't on awful teams, this game could have been awfully close, and maybe contended for the all time combined scoring record.  However, as it stands the third leading scorers for the week, the LFP Phreaks take home a win without any complaints, and on the other end Wong and co. can't help but dream about the defensive touchdowns that both New Orleans and Minnesota had called back... It's a cruel cruel world.

Party Animals 157.95 vs. Show Me Your TD's 76.15
It's pretty amazing to look at this score and see that my own mother more than doubled the score of a friend of mine, but to use the often imitated line, "that just happened."  Yes, it did.  Gas managed to have the only team in the league that missed out on the 100 point train that ran through with a vengeance, and what a rough spot to fail against my mother.  Drew Brees returned to the rarefied air he sniffed against Detroit by posting a 40.05, plus Wes Welker and Hines Ward combined to tack on 47.9 more points, meaning that those three players alone beat the TD's by themselves.  It was ugly, it was interesting, and more than anything it was a brutal beat down.  The good news is, the record for biggest blowout didn't get broken, so the shame won't go on the books forever.  Congrats to both of you.

Lynnhood Curbstompers 111 vs. Hail to the Chefs 161.5
Ummm, wow Tony, nice game.  J.J. nor anyone else saw this one coming, as Tom Brady took a snowstorm and made it into his bitch during the second quarter of his game against Tennessee, and 48 fantasy points later he helped make Mr. Le's team the leading scorer for the week in his profile week.  Add a ridiculous performance by Green Bay's defense against the Detroit Lions good for 28 points, compare that to the top player on the Curbstompers, Sidney Rice (22.6 points), shake it up and pour it over ice and we're all Hailing the Chefs.  Thanks for taking the hit J.J., you poor man.

I Stiff Armed Your Mom 128.8 vs. My Team Blows Again 103.65
The battle of roommates proved to be an intriguing one, right up until Thomas Jones decided to run for over 200 yards.  Joe Flacco and the aforementioned T.J. led the hapless Stiffies to their second win of the season, fending off an incredible performance by Ray Rice, who came in to the week as ADP's understudy until the dust settled.  Division positions stay relatively the same, but the pride in the household has shifted in favor of the resurgent Stiff ones.


Breaston My Face 129.1 vs. Fister? I hardly know her. 117.3
In the most interesting game of the week to follow, Jared's Breaston Kyle's Face stayed undefeated after week six of the season.  Though Kyle took a lead into Sunday, the combination of Philip Rivers and Nate Kaeding came through on Monday night to counter the efforts of Brandon Marshall.  A close game with what seemed to be a foregone conclusion that came true after all, but who doesn't love watching the last game of the week with something on the line so they can worry and get that much more intense about it.

T'was a wonderful week for football, and who wouldn't want to see scores like those every week?!

-Commish

Week 7: A Look Ahead

Week 7 Matchups:
  Fister?  I hardly know her. @ Angry Asians
  Hail to the Chefs @ My Team Blows Again
  I Stiff Armed Your Mom @ Party Animals
  Lynnhood Curbstompers @ Show Me Your TD's
  LFP Phreaks @ Breaston My Face

Monday, October 19th:
  Monday Night Football - Denver Broncos @ San Diego Chargers, 5:30pm PT

Tuesday, October 20th:
  Free Agency Opens on Forum - 12:00pm PT


Wednesday, October 21st:
  Blog - Week 7 Breakdown by Kyle

Thursday, October 22nd:
  Blog - Football Movie Marathon by Jared

Friday, October 23rd:
  Blog - Team Owner Profile: Jason Wong by Mike

Saturday, October 24th:
  Free Agency Closes on Forum - 5:00pm PT
  Blog - Some semblance of order... by Mike

Sunday, October 25th:
  Roster Submissions Due - 9:30am PT

Brady Finishes First Half with a Respectable 37.75 Points

Holy Shit

Quarterbacks Gone Wild!

The 5-point passing yardage bonus threshold was crossed by FIVE Quarterbacks this morning:
Drew Brees
Ben Roethlisberger
Joe Flacco
Aaron Rodgers
Matt Schaub



Tom Brady and Kurt Warner seem to be on their way as well. I'm sure as fuck rooting against Warner right now.

Hey Jared

Fuck you

Week 6... Locked, cocked, and ready to rock!

Here we go again!  Week 6 is here and the scoreboard is updated!  Lots of Utility usage this week, should make for some close games and maybe even some high scoring affairs.  Bad luck to all of you!

Some semblance of order...

Hear me out, because you have to.  The latest debate here at LFP FFB headquarters has to do with the often unused trading process which has to pass through the anonymous "Trading Committee" that nobody has ever seen.  A small group of interested parties feel that the trading committee leaves too much up to people that have no involvement in the league and has no place in making decisions that are important to all of the owners.  Instead these dissenting minds think there should be a trading regulations charter drafted that will spell out exactly what makes up a passable trade, leaving the decision solely in the hands of the owners involved based on predetermined factors.  Not only are competing team owners not involved in deciding their competition this way, but there are no third parties that would have a say in the way our league is made up and ultimately decided.  The trading committee currently has the power to tell us as team owners that we're being unfair in our trading, even though they don't have to compete in our league and don't know how each of us as owners value our different players at different positions.  To give these strangers that kind of power is irresponsible and cannot continue if we're to take the trading process in this league seriously.  What have we had, like three or four trades in the history of the league?!  Maybe if we didn't have this mysterious trading committee people would be more willing to actually try and make this league exciting on days other than Sunday and Monday!  So I guess in the spirit of fair-play I would like to have some input on this via blog response, so let's hear it.

Team Owner Profile: Tony Le

It seems only appropriate that after highlighting an original owner in LFP FFB we focus in on one of our newest owners, and specifically one who has enormous shoes to fill.  We all remember the incredible story of Jesse "Juice" Martin's wild card playoff run last year, taking the Super Bowl down to the last offensive play run where a Pittsburgh sack and fumble recovery would etch "Hochuli's Gun Show" on to the league trophy forever by a mere 1.75 points, the closest margin of victory imaginable.  Now Tony Le's "Hail to the Chefs" looks to assume control of the franchise that won the third season of LFP FFB's existence.

Tony kicked his Juice-like season off by phoning in his draft via Skype, exactly the way Jesse would have done it were he still in the league.  Next, Tony went ahead and drafted the key pieces of Hockuli's Gun Show that won the title last post-season in Larry Fitzgerald and the Pittsburgh defense, bold moves but proven ones to try and set the franchise up for continued success.  After five weeks in the league the Hail to the Chefs owner sits with a 3-2 record, 2-1 in his division, and holds a one game lead on the East Division wild card in second place.  We were lucky enough to find Tony wandering the LFP FFB headquarters, apparently lost, looking for the taco bar, and stopped him to get his impressions heading in to week 6.

LFP FFB:  Hello Tony, great to have you at the LFP HQ.
Tony Le:  Who know how to stir up the taco beef?!
LFP:  Excuse me?
TL:  Let do the next week Taco Tuesday lunch on the 20th.  I bring shredded chess and lecture!
LFP:  That sounds wonderful Tony, I'm sure we will all mark that on our calendars.  But let's move on...  What kind of pressures are on you in your first season in the league?  Not only are you taking over the franchise of last year's championship team, but you also now become only the second Asian team owner in league history... and start an interview like that...
TL:  Well taking over Juice's team isn't a big deal, because I'm better than him at pretty much everything.  Being Asian though I really get to see what a racist asshole you really are.
LFP:  Clearly something's lost in translation there, it sounded like you said I'm a racist asshole.
TL:  You are.
LFP:  I'm sorry, can you speak English?
TL:  I'm going to Bruce Lee, one-inch punch through your chest if you don't shut up.
LFP:  Right...  You're off to a very strong start in the league, over .500 and in second place in your division behind Adrian Peterson's team.  That's incredibly impressive for a first time player and a first year owner, what do you expect from your guys in the coming weeks?
TL:  My team hasn't done well every week, but we're still doing well so I feel good about them.  I think we'll continue to improve and start dominating everyone in the league, if only because Brett Favre is the greatest player in the history of football.
LFP:  On that note, will you ever start the aforementioned "greatest player in the league," or is he destined to miss every fantasy start while never missing a professional start?
TL:  He will start!  I'm just waiting for the right time.
LFP:  That's very martial-artsy of you.  Speaking of which, what was it like to lose the first every "Ninja Bowl" to Jason Wong?  That's what we've called it around the league office, the "Ninja Bowl," clever huh?
TL:  I hate you.
LFP:  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult your honor.
TL:  ...
LFP:  Thanks for coming in.

Mr. Le is clearly a proud team owner and confident in his team, if not his ninja star throwing ability.  This week he squares off with J.J. Didier and the Lynnhood Curbstompers, an original league owner, but Tony promises to sneak up from the shadows and kill them with precision and no mercy.  Just kidding, but seriously.

See you all next week, over and out from LFP HQ.

-Commish

Football Movie Marathon #5: Knute Rockne All American (1940)

Of the major American team sports baseball probably consistently produces the most quality movies. Until the 80s brought us The Natural, Eight Men Out, Major Leauge, Field of Dreams and Bull Durham, the gold standard for baseball movies was probably The Pride of the Yankees (1942). I bring this up because this week's marathon movie is perhaps the football equivalent of the classic Lou Gerhig biopic. Whatever you thought about one of them, you'll probably think about the other. Both feature a complete lovefest for what are now completely insufferable teams, both paint about as flattering potrayal of their subjects as possible, and both offer one of the best "big speech" moments in sports movie history.

Knute Rockne All American basically is a telling of the legendary sports figure's life and career as the Notre Dame football coach. Rockne is credited with popularizing and innovating several tactics. As a player in his younger days, he was the recipent of several forward passes in the Notre Dame offense that utilized the play better than anyone. As a coach, he is often credited as the first to put "men in motion" prior to the snap (he did it with his whole backfield until rules limited teams to only have one man allowed to move before the snap).

Perhaps the primary draw to the film now is the supporting role of George Gipp, played by none other than future President Ronald Reagan. Gipp is considered one of the better college football players of all time (ranked the 22nd best ever college player on ESPN's list a couple years ago, by people who are undoubtably experts that have watched a ton of 90 year old football games). If you were ever curious where the "Win one for the Gipper" quote came from, well, here it is.

Overall, this is a decent football movie and a fun watch, although it feels incredibly dated, even by the standard of 1940s movies. Seemingly today, a biopic can't be made unless the subject was once drug using womanizer (Ray, Walk the Line) or somewhat mentally unstable (The Aviator, A Beautiful Mind). Put simply, you might see a Roger Clemens movie someday, but probably not a Greg Maddux one. Knute Rockne is potrayed about as good of a guy as you'll ever find for 100 minutes, and that's the movie. I didn't find it all that off putting, but can certainley see why many would.

Note: You probably should not watch this anytime soon if you're a UW fan bitter about the recent game against Notre Dame. This movie loves the school more than Rudy does.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings
1. Brian's Song
2. Knute Rockne All American
2. Varsity Blues
3. Invincible
4. Two For the Money

Week 6: A Look Ahead

Week 6 Matchups:
  Angry Asians @ LFP Phreaks
  Party Animals @ Show Me Your TD's
  Lynnhood Curbstompers @ Hail to the Chefs
  I Stiff Armed Your Mom @ My Team Blows Again
  Breaston My Face @ Fister?  I hardly know her.

Monday, October 12th:
  Monday Night Football - NY Jets @ Miami Dolphins, 5:30pm PT

Tuesday, October 13th:
  Free Agency Opens on Forum - 12:00pm PT
  Blog - Free Agency Review by Craig


Wednesday, October 14th:
  Blog - Week 6 Matchups by Kyle

Thursday, October 15th:
  Blog - Football Movie Marathon by Jared

Friday, October 16th:
  Blog - Team Owner Profile by Mike

Saturday, October 17th:
  Free Agency Closes on Forum - 5:00pm PT
  Blog - Some semblance of order... by Mike

Sunday, October 18th:
  Roster Submissions Due - 9:30am PT

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!

The topic of our Week 5 player profile, and previously winless team owner Craig Peterson is playing the little blue steam engine from our childhoods this week, all set up to take out the defending East Division champion Angry Asians just one week after one of the greatest Monday night comebacks in league history.  With a $20 effort from Rashard Mendenhall, and a huge Utility usage of Donovan McNabb, the little Stiffies that could stopped thinking it and just did it like a Nike commercial.  This result will leave some questions for both Peterson and the angriest Asian in the league, Jason Wong.  CP goes to 1-4 but has his first big W under his belt and can start gaining momentum.  Meanwhile the Asians land at 2-3, with a split in division games at 2-2.   In an East Division that has a logjam at the bottom of the standings, J-Jak's squad of supposed non-cross-dressers is trying to lock in a win against the other J.J.'s Lynnhood Curbstompers.  Should Jakubiak's Blowfest finish off Didier's Hoodrats, everyone in the East will be looking up and trying to answer some questions.  There should be a couple of interesting finishes, so be sure to tune in to Monday Night Football as Week 5 comes to a close!

Week 5 is on!

Week 5 hits right now, games are just starting and the website was updated around 9:40 with all updated rosters and match-ups!

Some semblance of order...

Hear me out, because you have to.  The latest debate here at LFP FFB headquarters has to do with the excessive use of free agency "contingency" bidding.  It is the consensus by a small group that contingency bidding somewhat waters down the entire process of auction bidding, and that it is no longer necessary with the revisions that have been made.  Since there is a five minute window after the last bid, and the free agency deadline has been voted on and moved to 5:00pm on Saturdays, I see no reason that people can't just focus in on their primary bids, and guess what, if you lose your auction, tough luck, that's how auctions go.  The forum looks ridiculous with people bidding on 42 kickers and 18 defenses just to be sure they don't have to actually pay attention to anything, and I think this needs to be addressed as soon as possible.  So I guess in the spirit of fair-play I would like to have some input on this via blog response, so let's hear it and we might get to a vote in the coming week.

Team Owner Profile: Craig Peterson

In LFPFFB history there has been no more enigmatic an owner than the one we will profile heading in to Week 5 of the 2009 season. Craig Peterson tasted greatness in the league's inaugural season by boasting a 16-1 regular season record in the first campaign for any team owner, a mark that has yet to be challenged or even come close to by another team. However, after such an incredible run of regular season dominance the likes of which we may never see again, his Stiffies finished dead last in the playoffs and it seems that to this point the franchise has never recovered from such a let down. Following up that 2006 campaign Craig's squads have gone 8-9 and 6-11 in 2007 and 2008 respectively. With an 0-4 start after another heartbreaking loss no other team has seen such a reversal of fortune in the league's history, and it seems only fitting to kick things off with one of the original four owners that remain in the league.

Craig stands not only as an original member of LFPFFB, but he remains the only team owner to maintain the same team name year after year in a nod to true tradition. We were lucky enough to catch Mr. Peterson just after a heated team meeting with his squad and he agreed to sit down with us at the league office for a chat.

Craig Peterson: So do I get some extra free agency money for doing this? Because Glen Coffee's going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
LFPFFB: Unfortunately that's not going to happen, but we will validate your parking.
CP: I walked here.
LFP: And we appreciate you coming in to talk with us.
CP: Fuck you.
LFP: Thank you for the warm greeting. Obviously this has been a rough first quarter of the season for you, starting 0-4 and losing an absolute heartbreaker in your division basically because Green Bay went for a two point conversion instead of taking an extra point on Monday Night Football... Point nine points, wow that's gotta sting. What, if any adjustments are you looking to make heading into week five, knowing that it's now or never if you want to turn things around?
CP: Well, if everyone I play against would stop having the game of their fucking life I won't have to make any adjustments.
LFP: Can you target any one thing that may have cost you the games here in the early going?
CP: Yeah, I can actually target four things. Adrian Peterson, Matt Schaub, the New York Giants defense and fucking Steve Smith on the Giants... He's not even Steve Smith on the Panthers who is fucking good, he's on the Giants and he's not Plaxico Burress, who I really blame because if he didn't shoot himself in the leg I would have fucking won my game.
LFP: I'm sensing some animosity, how frustrating has this season been so far?
CP: I'd say very... Yeah, very is pretty accurate.
LFP: What's it like sleeping with a division rival?
CP: What?
LFP: You and Jakubiak living together, which of you is Reggie Bush and which is Kim? I mean she has a great back-end if you know what I'm saying, so I'm tempted to say Jason, but you never know what it's like behind closed doors.
CP: Ummm, I'm uncomfortable with this, I don't sleep with Jason, we just live in the same house.
LFP: Yeah, but is he a good kisser?
CP: This interview's over.

Clear frustration both in the league and in the bedroom for Craig Peterson and I Stiff Armed Your Mom, and things look as difficult as ever looking ahead to his week five matchup with the reigning division champion Angry Asians and Jason Wong.

We'll be back next Wednesday with another team owner profile, and until then bad luck to you all and enjoy the blog content all week!

-Commish