Team Owner Profile: Craig Peterson

In LFPFFB history there has been no more enigmatic an owner than the one we will profile heading in to Week 5 of the 2009 season. Craig Peterson tasted greatness in the league's inaugural season by boasting a 16-1 regular season record in the first campaign for any team owner, a mark that has yet to be challenged or even come close to by another team. However, after such an incredible run of regular season dominance the likes of which we may never see again, his Stiffies finished dead last in the playoffs and it seems that to this point the franchise has never recovered from such a let down. Following up that 2006 campaign Craig's squads have gone 8-9 and 6-11 in 2007 and 2008 respectively. With an 0-4 start after another heartbreaking loss no other team has seen such a reversal of fortune in the league's history, and it seems only fitting to kick things off with one of the original four owners that remain in the league.

Craig stands not only as an original member of LFPFFB, but he remains the only team owner to maintain the same team name year after year in a nod to true tradition. We were lucky enough to catch Mr. Peterson just after a heated team meeting with his squad and he agreed to sit down with us at the league office for a chat.

Craig Peterson: So do I get some extra free agency money for doing this? Because Glen Coffee's going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
LFPFFB: Unfortunately that's not going to happen, but we will validate your parking.
CP: I walked here.
LFP: And we appreciate you coming in to talk with us.
CP: Fuck you.
LFP: Thank you for the warm greeting. Obviously this has been a rough first quarter of the season for you, starting 0-4 and losing an absolute heartbreaker in your division basically because Green Bay went for a two point conversion instead of taking an extra point on Monday Night Football... Point nine points, wow that's gotta sting. What, if any adjustments are you looking to make heading into week five, knowing that it's now or never if you want to turn things around?
CP: Well, if everyone I play against would stop having the game of their fucking life I won't have to make any adjustments.
LFP: Can you target any one thing that may have cost you the games here in the early going?
CP: Yeah, I can actually target four things. Adrian Peterson, Matt Schaub, the New York Giants defense and fucking Steve Smith on the Giants... He's not even Steve Smith on the Panthers who is fucking good, he's on the Giants and he's not Plaxico Burress, who I really blame because if he didn't shoot himself in the leg I would have fucking won my game.
LFP: I'm sensing some animosity, how frustrating has this season been so far?
CP: I'd say very... Yeah, very is pretty accurate.
LFP: What's it like sleeping with a division rival?
CP: What?
LFP: You and Jakubiak living together, which of you is Reggie Bush and which is Kim? I mean she has a great back-end if you know what I'm saying, so I'm tempted to say Jason, but you never know what it's like behind closed doors.
CP: Ummm, I'm uncomfortable with this, I don't sleep with Jason, we just live in the same house.
LFP: Yeah, but is he a good kisser?
CP: This interview's over.

Clear frustration both in the league and in the bedroom for Craig Peterson and I Stiff Armed Your Mom, and things look as difficult as ever looking ahead to his week five matchup with the reigning division champion Angry Asians and Jason Wong.

We'll be back next Wednesday with another team owner profile, and until then bad luck to you all and enjoy the blog content all week!

-Commish