Football Movie Marathon #16: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

The last movie of the year is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994).

The story is fairly simple. Leading up to the Superbowl, Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino and team mascot, the field goal kicking dolphin "Snowflake" are kidnapped. While the police search for the superstar, Ace Ventura (played by Jim Carrey in a breakout role) is hired to find the dolphin. Ventura is an interesting character indeed. For the majority of the film he straddles the fine line between appearing mentally challenged and the most brilliant detective in the world. Along for the ride are Courtney Cox (Friends) as the love interest and Sean Young (Blade Runner) as the boss of the police department who just doesn't seem to sit quite right.

Watching this as a young lad, the hilarious portions of the film were mainly the slapstick and flat out craziness. Now there are couple more things that made me laugh, most notably when Ace recognizes that the Miami Dolphins team photo he has based his investigation on is not the most current when he notices one different player on a poster on the other side of a room. "Who...in THE HELL is.....this???" Also interesting is the fact that after realizing he kissed a man, he needs to eat a whole tube of toothpaste, go to town on his face with a toilet plunger, repeatadly drown his head in a toilet, burn his clothes, and take a shower while crying. Doubt that would fly in a movie 15 years later.

Overall the movie is a stupid yet fun filled romp that I find throughly enjoyable.

That's the movie marathon for this year. If I do it again next year we got several favorites including Jerry Maguire, Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, and of course, Air Bud: Golden Retreiver to go. Hope the two of you reading this had a good time and maybe watched a movie or two for the first time because of it.


Football Movie Marathon Rankings
1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Rudy (1993)
4) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
5) Varsity Blues (1999)
6) The Longest Yard (1974)
7) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
8) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
9) Horse Feathers (1932)
10) Gridiron Gang (2006)
11) The Waterboy (1998)
12) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
13) Invincible (2006)
14) Little Giants (1994)
15) The Longest Yard (2005)
16) Two For the Money (2005)

And here we go...

Week 17 lady and gentlemen, and by some miracle of scheduling all six teams vying for three playoff spots will be tangled up with one another on the road to the championship.  Big wins in Week 16 for the LFP Phreaks and Hail to the Chefs keep it all interesting and down to the wire like any good playoff race should be.  Here's a quick breakdown of what needs to happen in each division for each team to make the playoffs, starting with the folks out West:

Breaston My Face:
Clinched Division Title

Lynnhood Curbstompers:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win and Fister? I hardly know her. loss.

LFP Phreaks:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win.

Fister? I hardly know her.:
Clinch West Division Wild Card with win and LFP Phreaks loss.

Show Me Your TD's:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

The East Division breaks down with slightly more complications as follows:

My Team Blows Again:
Clinches East Division Title with win.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with loss and Angry Asians loss.

Hail to the Chefs:
Clinches East Division Title with win and My Team Blows Again loss.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with win and My Team Blows Again win.
Clinches East Division Wild Card with loss and My Team Blows Again loss.

Angry Asians:
Clinches East Division Title with win and My Team Blows Again loss.

Party Animals:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

I Stiff Armed Your Mom:
Eliminated from playoff contention.

Long story short, it's a win-and-in situation for four teams, while a couple of squads need help from each other to make it, but all this spells is late season dramatics and excitement before the fourth season of LFPFFB enters the playoff spectacular that can only be settled on the biggest stage.  Let the madness commence as we move toward the kickoff of Week 17!

Football Movie Marathon #15: Rudy (1993)

Our second to last movie of the season is one of my favorites thusfar, 1993's Rudy, which could make a strong case as the best underdog sports movie (although Hoosiers and Rocky would probably beat it out).

Sean Astin (The Goonies, The Lord of the Rings) plays Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger, a high school graduate in a steel town, expected to be a steel worker like every guy he knows. This is everyone's expectation except his own however; his goal is to play football at Notre Dame, a school that used to have a good football team in the era this movie is set. Rudy played high school ball, but was considered too small to be a collegiate player. Also problematic is his grades, which fall below the Notre Dame standards.

Rudy spends some time in the community college near Notre Dame to get the grades he needs. He also works with the groundscrew at the football field to be around the program. At one point while cleaning, he reads the famous speech from Knute Rockne: All American (1940) (reviewed earlier in marathon) off of a plaque in the locker room. Eventually his grades improve, and he gets into Notre Dame. He follows this accomplishment with an even bigger one, walking onto the practice squad by giving an effort that greatly impresses the coaches. From here we follow his quest to get onto the field for the rest of the movie.

The reason Rudy lives on as a sports movie classic is the gigantic emotional payoff at the end. I'm hard pressed to think of a sports movie with a better ending. It is probably one of the few movies that guys are allowed to cry during. There is more to it than just the ending of course. Despite giving us very little sports action from start to finish, the movie is never boring or meandering. Characters all seem well fleshed out....whereas in too many sports movies the writers seem content to give each character a gimmick and let them run with it. The only part of the story I didn't really like was the somewhat "bad guy" potarit they painted of Dan Devine. In the movie, Rudy doesn't make it onto the final games roster until the rest of the team appeals. In real life, it was actually Devine who rewarded Rudy for his hard work by sticking him in the game. I know its just a movie and all, but it seems cruel that they made one of his biggest supporters into one of his biggest opposers. The 5 or 10 minutes between Rudy finding out he didn't make the last game up until the decision is turned around is the worst part of the movie...just one hurdle too many for the lead character that throws off the balance a bit. Minor complaint though.

Merry Christmas

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Rudy (1993)
4) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
5) Varsity Blues (1999)
6) The Longest Yard (1974)
7) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
8) Horse Feathers (1932)
9) Gridiron Gang (2006)
10) The Waterboy (1998)
11) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
12) Little Giants (1994)
13) Invincible (2006)
14) The Longest Yard (2005)
15) Two For the Money (2005)

Monday Night Football Tonight Presents High Stakes

Tonight during MNF football all eyes will be on the matchup between Tony's Hail to the Chefs, who need just 5.1 points to overcome Mike's Phreaks. The man who is up to bat for Tony is Steve Smith of the New York Giants, an LFPFFB All Pro this season. If Tony loses it could be rather diastourous to his playoff hopes. Because he is behind other playoff contenders in the tiebreaker categories, he basically needs to win from here on out to avoid missing out on the playoffs in what has so far been a promising rookie season. Both Jason's sharpened their playoff chances with wins, and should be rooting strongly for Mike to keep a contender off of their backs. Mike has a serious oppurtunity to make some headway in his own wild card push at the same time. With JJ's Curbstompers losing by a record 122 points, he has a good chance at tying things up in the wins column. Mike probably* needs to beat JJ out in wins, since he is down 0-2 in the head-to-head rankings. They could very well be playing for the playoff spot in week 17.

The other crucial matchup in limbo tonight is between Kyle's Fisters and Gas's Show Me Your TD's. Kyle has 4 players on deck tonight to make up his 16 point deficet, but Gas is playing Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Kevin Boss to counter (these guys love the NY Giants I guess). If Kyle wins, he will catch JJ in the divisional standings...which would be huge given that he has the tiebreaker 2-1. Gas needs this win as well. He holds the tiebreaker over Mike, but is split 1-1 with both Kyle and JJ and has some ground to make up in the win column.

The other matchups all appear to already be decided, but all owners should be watching tonight. Massive playoff implications! playoffs!? you wanna talk about playoffs!? playoffs!?




*I think Mike could tie JJ in wins and still get the playoff spot in a 3-way tie. I think.

Football Movie Marathon #14: Little Giants (1994)

Unlike all the other movies I've gone over thusfar, I haven't seen Little Giants in a long ass time. Something that probably won't be remedied anytime soon either. Anyways, this week the review is kind of mailed in....I'm tired and busy.

Anyways, Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids) plays Danny O'Shea, the brother of a former Heisman trophy winner, Ed O'Neil (Married With Children). When Danny's daughter, among other kids, are cut from Pee Wee football by his brother, he decides to form his own team. Following the formula of, say, The Mighty Ducks, Danny's team is filled with girls, nerds, fat kids...you get the picture.

All kinds of wacky things ensue throughout the movie as is expected. The fat kid loves food so much that at one point he is storing a sandwich in his helmet. One kid accidently superglues his hands together. Danny's daughter, nicknamed "the Icebox" catapults one of the Cowboys (the rival team) into a muddy pond. My personal favorite is when Danny finds his quarterback by recruiting a kid who is throwing paper towel roles into his mother's shopping cart at the grocery store.

Anyways, I haven't been among the target audience for this movie in a dozen years or so. That said, it does hold a special place in my heart because I saw it for the first and only time at a slumber party when I was 12, where we stole a lot of my friend's dad's beer and tried to drink it. A lot of fun.

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Horse Feathers (1932)
8) Gridiron Gang (2006)
9) The Waterboy (1998)
10) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
11) Little Giants (1994)
12) Invincible (2006)
13) The Longest Yard (2005)
14) Two For the Money (2005)

Week 14: Game on!

Here we go with Week 14, no game goes without importance here and the heavy hitting utility players are out in force!  With a three-way tie for the wild card in the West and a four-way tie at the top of the East, every game matters this week and no opponent can be taken lightly.  Get ready for some serious performances across the league in Week 14 of LFP Fantasy Football's fourth season playoff push!

Football Movie Marathon #13: Horse Feathers (1932)

Let's go back in time 75+ years for the next movie.



The Marx Brothers came into the picture right when silent movies were going away and "talkies" were becoming popular. Many of their early movies are all time classics. In the American Film Institute Top 100 Comedies list, the Marx Brothers account for five of the movies, including this weeks entry, Horse Feathers.



Groucho Marx (perhaps the most recognizeable to modern audiences) plays Professor Wagstaff, who's son Frank (played by Zeppo Marx) is the captain of the football team. They haven't beaten their rival in years, so the Professor decides to hire some ringers. Unfortunately, highjinx ensue and he ends up with two bumblers he meets at a speakeasy (played by Harpo and Chico). Several antics lead up to the big football game, which finishes up the movie in an interesting and climatic way.



Overall however, with the Marx Brothers, the plot is secondary to cramming in as many jokes as humanly possible into the movies runtime. Watching several of their movies, you realize that the brothers are creating so much freaking anarchy that you have no real idea of what is going on. It is very, very silly from start to finish...squeezing in more jokes than a Family Guy episode (which doesn't even require plot).



The movie runs 68 minutes long and currently can be found on YouTube. Personally, I think its a hell of a lot of fun, but the Marx Brothers are definately a lot different that what anyone would expect from a comedy in this day and age. Characters verbally lob softballs at Groucho just so he can turn their phrases against them. There are extended music scenes which feel incredibly dated. Overall, this slides in somewhere in the middle of the marathon movies for me.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:
1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Horse Feathers (1932)
8) Gridiron Gang (2006)
9) The Waterboy (1998)
10) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
11) Invincible (2006)
12) The Longest Yard (2005)
13) Two For the Money (2005)

Week 13, let's get serious.

Here we go, huge division match-ups all over the league as the playoff picture tries to get a little clearer.  Free Agency is updated and rosters are available on the scoreboard, good luck to everyone but the West!

Football Movie Marathon #12: Gridiron Gang (2006)

Sticking to the prisoners playing football theme from the last week, the next movie I'm going to look at is 2006's Gridiron Gang.

The story is one that is interesting enough. Sean Porter (played by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) works at a juvinile detention center filled with young members of opposing gangs. With everyone killing each other on the streets, the violence is also an issue with the inmates. To give the kids a chance, Porter attempts to unify them by making a football team to play against the local high schools.

Overall, the movie plays out like a very poor man's verision of The Wire mixed with Friday Night Lights. The football games are fun to watch, the gang war scenes come off as just a bit too heavy handed. The movie seems to flutter between how "real" and how "cliche sports movie" it wants to be, and the uneven tone hurts it. The recently reviewed Any Given Sunday is pretty over the top all the way through, and it works to its credit.

The best thing the film has going for it is the lead performance by the Rock. If I can digress for a minute, somewhere in the early to mid 90s, we decided that the Arnold and Stallone types were BAD actors, which I find kind of stupid. There has been a certain something lost in movies since then, and our action stars seem to be more in the Matt Damon/Keanu Reeves/Christian Bale/Hugh Jackman mold (or even the Tobey Maguire mold!). While those guys have all made solid action movies, I genuinely miss the 80s tough guys. Is there any lead action movie stars anymore as bad ass as the leads in First Blood or Predator? In my opinion, no. Hence I really like the Rock, because I feel like he is the only newer guy on the block that can do that kind of thing. Gridiron Gang isn't necessarily the appropriate vehicle, but I like any decent performance by a tough guy. Long story short, just because some one would look ridiculous performing Hamlet doesn't mean he is a bad actor, and I want real action stars back.* Anyways, the Rock is good in this and I want him away from the family movies and back into the action movies.

A football movie starring the Rock and Xzibit didn't seem to be what the public wanted, because I don't think too many people have seen this. If I'm not mistaken, this movie also came out within a month or two of Invincible, which was marketed and packaged a whole lot better. Too bad, because I think Gridiron Gang is the better of the two. Not anything too special, but worth a viewing if you ever get the chance.

Football Movie Marathon Rankings:

1) Any Given Sunday (1999)
2) Brian's Song (1971)
3) Knute Rockne: All American (1940)
4) Varsity Blues (1999)
5) The Longest Yard (1974)
6) Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL? (2009)
7) Gridiron Gang (2006)
8) The Waterboy (1998)
9) The Band That Wouldn't Die (2009)
10) Invincible (2006)
11) The Longest Yard (2005)
12) Two For the Money (2005)

*Arnold, Stallone, and Kurt Russel are the best at this. Not a big Segal or JCVD fan however.